We won't sleep together?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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