here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
