I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize