no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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