I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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