what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
