VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
