I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
