Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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