Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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