i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
