she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
