How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
