It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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