I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
