new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
