You work out of a Hotel?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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