Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
