go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
