I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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