his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
