You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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