They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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