"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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