I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's just so happy...and so naked.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
