If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
