Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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