he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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