do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
