every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
