is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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