She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think your dad took our porno
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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