I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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