i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
