she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
