Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
