So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize