How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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