I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
