the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
