Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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