if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
