Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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