I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize