so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
