One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
operation have a gay friend backfired
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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