clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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