Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
