Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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