Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
