dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
