worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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