I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
