I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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