You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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