we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we're so committed to being not committed
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