Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's always time for handjobs
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
