shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
