Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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