I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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