my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
