im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
