He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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