Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
