Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize