all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
