I'm going to jail i love you
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize