I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
