The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
