If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They took my balls.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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