I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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