you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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