i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize