and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
