At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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