She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
