how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
