shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
