Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
