Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
don't judge my taste in strippers
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize