Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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