I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
