At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
