Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
