What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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