My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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