Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
