I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
