Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize