Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I supernannyed him into submission
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
