do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
