Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
