My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
