Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
