end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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