No stitches, just platelets and will power
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
