If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
