I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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