how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
