Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
