Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
