My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
