im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize