U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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